Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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