I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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