is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
