he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
