Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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