You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
