I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
