So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
