She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
