It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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