Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
