Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
