My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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