You just made me feel so damn special
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
