lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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