I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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