Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
