Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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