just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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