yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
