I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize