I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just google imaged poop.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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