Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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