her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
