Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
