there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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