Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
