ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
