Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
