now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dear god my vagina.
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