Do you still have your period?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
