Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize