Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize