he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize