I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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