(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
