He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You smell like stripper and shame
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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