No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
