my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
