if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
