I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so let's talk penis.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
