At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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