just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
