he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
