Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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