Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
