it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
