one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
