I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
