i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
