i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How's work?
Spinning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
