my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
