Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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