im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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