Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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