I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
