I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
