garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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