I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
