Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
