your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
