it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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