At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
