i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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