So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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