Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
