This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
