it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
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