I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
