remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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