You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Life is so much better after having sex.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
