i think i have herpe
just one?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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