I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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