Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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