Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
