This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
smell my finger.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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