how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
