That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
