im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
