i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
worst night to have a conscience
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
